I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
