Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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