help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
