I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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