my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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