Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
