I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
