Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
zippers are such a cool invention
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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