The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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