My nipple is on Facebook.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
