The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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