Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
