you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
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I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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