if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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