I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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