my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize