everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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