couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
