dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
