You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
