I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
