She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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