I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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