I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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