dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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