i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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