You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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