Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize