i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is Oprah even human
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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