I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
