Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
