I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My feet surprised me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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