Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
