I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
