talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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