he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
