Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
