dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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