I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
