WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
