her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
