I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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