I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
