I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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