My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
