he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
