She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I deserve this hangover.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
