i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
