Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm getting married
To pizza
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
