He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
