Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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