Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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