look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
