You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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