another moral hangover. fuck.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
