Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
