I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
