You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
