i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The uberlube is also flammable
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
