I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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