ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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