if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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