Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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