I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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