I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
