Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
