you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
