I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
