Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
