i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
