I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I met the friendliest cop last night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
