After last night, I could never be a politician.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
