I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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