i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
