Apparently you make a good broom.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
