if you like me you must not know who I am
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
