This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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