i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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