All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
