Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
