Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am spending my child support on dildos
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
