I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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