The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize