there's paper in my vomit.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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