I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
