We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
