She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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