I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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