Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
