I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
