He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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